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Wednesday, April 1, 2015

It is now April.
The month which I thought will never come.
They say April I will have a chance.
Either he comes back, or someone else comes.
But why do I feel as if both also will not be true?

It has been 3 months.
So fast and a quarter's gone.
Everyday I feel so empty.
Everyday I go to sleep and wake thinking of him.
Everyday I look around, hoping for a miracle.

It is all too late.
Everyday I want to call him.
Everyday, I crave for a contact.
Everyday, I tell myself he's gone.

Is this how it ends?
Just like that?
I no longer know what lies ahead
I feel so tired.
Everyday I hope for a miracle.

I'm no longer young.
Relationships & love seem impossible.
I thought we've made it.
As you said, I believed in you.
I thought you meant what you said.
Since when does it get complicate?
What went wrong?
Why, do you let go?
♥ alexis at 8:57 PM

Sunday, January 4, 2015

It's 2015 this year. Nearly 2 years since I have abandoned this blog. There were many times I've thought of returning here, to read what I've wrote. But I didn't, I can't do it. It is too sad to read back everything. But now that I'm here, I'm not much different from last time. I just got out of a nearly 2 years relationship, one where again, I finally see some hope, only to realised it's not. FYI: it's my longest relationship so far.

Life goes on eventually. He left, he moved on. And I left too, I need to move on. I've graduated, working now. With not much dreams or hopes, I just do what I'm asked to do. Just filling in the empty spaces, yet there are still people who are judging me: by my looks, by my confidence (which I clearly has none), and by my attitude towards life. There are still people who thinks I look down on them, who thinks that I'm more superior than them.

I don't do such thing. No one is suppose to judge another person. No one should even criticize another person, or belittle another person. No one should make another person to be as low as them. That's what I have been going through for the past two years. Belittling myself, thinking that I shouldn't be the way I am, just to make someone else happy. So much efforts were put in to make it work, but it wasn't appreciated, only to be thrown cold water at.

Life is just like that. Nothing's perfect and that's what that makes it memorable. Enjoying everything that is imperfect, just like that. I do not need brands to make me feel better, or at a higher rank. Yes, it does build my confidence but right now, I'm happy using non-branded items. I'm happy living a life which is just average, comfortable and relaxing, not to be constantly weighed down by the brands and people's impressions and views on us. I don't need people's views or judgements, just someone to correct me when I'm wrong, telling me where I can improve and what I should do when I'm lost.

Life should be simple, happy and free. I crave for the moments where I can spend the night at Desapark, just enjoying the sounds and views of nature. The life of simplicity, calm and freedom.

It's 2015 now. I'm already 24. It's time to grow up, to know what I want. It's a new year, new beginning, new life for me :)
♥ alexis at 1:59 AM

Sunday, August 5, 2012

have you ever felt so empty, so silent that it kills?
yet, i can't imagine the life out there
i can't imagine what i used to be
all i need now is some peace, some isolation
looking at the match today, i can almost feel his pain
the question is, how's life gonna be after this?
what's the next plan?
sometimes, trying your best just isn't everything...
♥ alexis at 10:22 PM

Sunday, July 29, 2012

each day seems hollow to me
i don't know why can't i let go
i don't know why i'm still fretting
it's no longer a lie
it's a living truth
i'm aware of it
i know what i should do
i know what i must do
yet, i don't know why i just can't
i can't

is there a way to make things easier?
is there a way to forget everything?
this year, time flies
it's nearly 4 months
it's already 10 months...

i guess there's a part of me that still wish things weren't so bad
i guess there's a part of me that wish for a miracle
just a miracle, just once..
this year i've been through a lot
the moment i got drunk, was the moment i know i'm not ok
no matter how many times i keep telling myself i'm better off like this
i'm not

i don't know what i can do to make things better
i don't know what i can do to change things
i don't know what i should do, or think anymore
can somebody help me? please?
♥ alexis at 5:46 PM

Monday, July 23, 2012

i got my questions answered

all these while i wondered what went wrong
why it happened
i thought i know why
till now, i don't know why
all that i could see right now
i'm forgotten
yet, i can't let go

i learnt a lot
i learnt that humans change
quotes, words and all, it doesn't matter
cause compared to reality, nothing is true
everything changed

♥ alexis at 5:04 PM

Sunday, July 15, 2012

can i give up?
just like that?
can i forget it all?
just like that?
the hopes are all gone
if you were serious, you wouldn't have left
it doesn't matter anymore what we have been debating about
after you left, things are still the same
i still think about you
but it's all too late
for you'll never change your mind
while i'm still hoping for a miracle...
♥ alexis at 7:21 PM

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

all i ever want to do is to sleep forever...
♥ alexis at 11:25 PM




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