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Friday, July 31, 2009

ok i'm done

super junior helps alot

thanks people

shall start searching more..

yee wei, you know what?

ur the best!! (^.^)

kudos to you and mr y...

lets get married at 42 k??

♥ alexis at 3:04 AM
saw something that i shouldn't

it's making my heart ache again


i'm having the doubts of life

i should let go

it's a MUST

♥ alexis at 1:07 AM

Thursday, July 30, 2009

the way we live life
is full of pretense
no one can understand the loneliness
the depression
the feelings undercover

everything is judged by its cover
no one can understand
the pain each person feels
the real person underneath
the real me..

no one can understand
what others are thinking
what they want
what they need
what they expect from people

no one can understand
the love we felt for people
the way we want things to turn out
the hopes we put on things
the feeling of satisfaction and happiness

no one can understand...

♥ alexis at 12:34 PM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

i don't feel good

really really don't feel good


at all...

history is repeating itself

i hate it

really really hate it
♥ alexis at 4:26 PM
lost the strength of life...

feel like giving up...
♥ alexis at 2:11 PM
Let's Not...

Saying that this moment is the last
To you whom I loved so much
Even if you try to turn it back
Even if you hold onto me crying
I was the one who said no and bid our farewell
I always act strong
But I'm a cowardly man who didn't have the confidence to protect you forever and left

Don't love someone like me again
Don't miss someone like me again
One who looks at only you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you very much
That they can't live a day without you


Hurting, you try to hold me back
But I'm a cowardly man who doesn't have the confidence to give anyone happiness besides her

Repeat chorus

Even if we are ever to regret our breakup
I can't give you anything but to give you our farewell
Don't cry in pain counting the time that has passed
Don't miss a foolish love that has already passed

One who looks at you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you very much
That they can't live a day without you
Please, I hope you'll be happy
Let's never meet again...

is that what you're trying to tell me?
well, it's easier to be said than done...

♥ alexis at 12:34 AM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

exam's over
now it's result time
but you know what?
i don't care
went for buffet today
went 1U
played mahjong
lost terribly
you can't blame me
i don't know how to play it in the first place
got bullied by both Mr JK and Ms ML

given one month break from today onwards
but i do not have any plans
guess it's gonna be another boring one...
i still remembered the plans we made
but it ended..
will i be able to go through this break happily?
or will i......

thought i could have maybe a final look at him before i leave today

guess we are better off as friends
or maybe



♥ alexis at 7:11 PM
semester's ending
in fact, today's the last day
no longer can see you anymore
is it a good thing?
today's the last day of finals
hmmm not really that confident
no more HDs for me
hopefully Ds?
hope so..
what should i do?
have fun?
no idea
who can i have fun with?
no one..
feel so lazy, tired,guilty and empty
i still can't get use to life without you
feels too empty
guess i have to overcome it..
can i?
hope so...


♥ alexis at 1:27 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

i'm tired

really really tired

what are you trying to do to me?

who am i to you?

someone that you can play with?

please think again

before i start hating you

♥ alexis at 1:47 AM

Friday, July 24, 2009

I'm starting to miss you again....


oh god...what am i thinking again?

♥ alexis at 3:59 PM

Thursday, July 23, 2009

suddenly i feel the pain of everyone
people going through what i've been through
people experiencing the pain that i've once had
people making stupid decisions
people falling in love without realising
people facing the dilemmas of life..
all i could do is to be there for them
listen to them
feel their pain
understand them..
how i wish i can be the one experiencing those feelings..
i know i'm being stupid
but sometimes, it just hurts seeing someone else going through the same pain
life is hard
nothing comes easy
but all i could do is be there for them..
yet i can't help at all..
feel so hopeless..
but i guess life is all about learning

to those who're in pain out there:
share with me
at least you have someone to listen to you
to guide you
to feel your pain
and NO it's not bothering at all
so don't worry
everything will be fine as long as you allow it to
keep your faith of life
appreciate what you have
keep the memories alive
be happy

♥ alexis at 5:07 PM

It was all a dream
I never thought I would wake up someday
But I did...
I have to face the reality
What do you expect me to say?
Bearing the pain..
All alone
I cried
I shouted
I beg
I talked...
But it was all a dream
It had to end
Time was precious to us
But we did not have it..
Everything was fine after the storm...
Hush, I told myself
Hush, everything will be fine
Hush, time will tell..
Let it all be a dream, a nightmare
Let be unreal
Let it be a dream
Just a dream
It was all a bad dream
A memory...
A bittersweet memory..
It's just a dream....
♥ alexis at 3:56 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Finding you among the crowds
Lost in my thoughts
Where are you?

I ignored that, going on with my usual
What are you thinking?

What am I thinking?
What have we done to reach this state of mind?

You, living up your life like the usual

Me, living up a life that I can barely recognize

Why, you know your mistakes

What have I done to deserve this hurt?

Me, living a life like an actress

Full of pretense...

Happy, yet when I'm not

I'm tired...

You know that too...right?

I doubt so...
I told myself I'll wait
Wait for you to be more mature

But, why am I feeling the hurt again and again?
I hate you, I really really hate you
Giving me this misery

Turning my life upside down

This, being the most regretful decision
I've ever make in my life

Please, disappear forever....

p/s: I do enjoy your company and friendship. I do appreciate it but sometimes, I wish you could really disappear..I'm sorry....

To my dear friend:
sorry for snapping at you today..doubt you'll be reading this anyway as you've forgotten my url...

Wishing I could enjoy life like this.....

♥ alexis at 5:17 PM

Friday, July 17, 2009

t'was a good day today..
started off to college as a nerd
came back home early
went online
then went for the man utd training with my gf and friend
saw a senior
saw Mr D and Mr D, Miss J but not Mr J
was pretty much hyper and excited
then suddenly everything is blown off me
is it 'cause of Mr D?
i don't know but i was pretty sure that i wasn't the only one that's not in a mood
my gf was pretty down too due to her studies
seems like everyone have their moments too...
just different reasons...

talked and smsed Mr DJ
he cheered me up but not Mr JK
but then again, cause of the scandals
i'm a bit hesitant to talk to Mr JK
i've got us into enough troubles..
thanks to my best friend, she also cheered me up..
well not exactly...but she listens

and i realised,
chocolate and ice cream can really cheer a person up
tho i was down and so does my gf
i treated both of us ice cream and voila!
well at least we're not that down anymore..
it was a fun day...
a happy day
but as usual it always end with a tiring day...
so well, my gf and i were pretty tired when we came back
before i went back home, met Mr DJ for a while
nothing much just that i screamed after i saw a cockroach...

then reached home, parents fought...
so went over to my gf's house to do assignment and study...
good..at least i'm being a nerd now
maybe it can get my mind of things for awhile?
i hope so...
exam's in a week time and i haven't start anything yet
well good luck to me then..

*found her fav thing: chocolate...
♥ alexis at 11:58 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

was given the biggest opportunity in life
it'll determine my future
well not exactly but it'll open a new pathway for me
i'm not exactly confident that i can do it as i'm still new
but i'll make sure that it'll turn out well
sadly, i turned it down
hopefully i will not regret it...

right now i'm leading life positively,
focusing on important things
life seems boring but at least i'm stable at the moment
no more troubles for me
no more graves to dig
though i wouldn't promise that i won't dig anymore
but i'll try to restrain myself...

cause life is too stable
i'm stoning once again,
unable to grasp the reality
life is.....love is...
i don't know
i can't feel, can't find
floating everywhere yet part of me still touches the ground...

keep it up girl...
maintain it...
you know you can do it...

♥ alexis at 2:44 PM
been behaving very good this week
but life is just soo boring
guess it takes time to adjust
but if i do get hyper
then i'll be digging graves again
what should i do?

answer: concentrate on exam...


♥ alexis at 12:09 AM

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

i thought i saw the glow in your eyes
but now i don't see it anymore
what happened?
have you really gave up?
or maybe it's just me
i'm tired
i no longer know how to feel
i can't feel...
i've lost my shine, my glow
i've caused enough troubles
think all you like about me
but i am who i am
don't you dare to think that you know me
you don't know me
i'm a complicated person
nothing is simple in my life
this is just the way i like..
full of the unexpected...

love me..if you dare...

♥ alexis at 1:34 PM

Monday, July 13, 2009

so many things to do, yet so lil time...

i'm busy and yet, there's nothing to do at all...

maybe i'm just procrastinating?

life is just soo hard...

how is it that we have to make a firm decision yet at the same time, have to take care of others feelings too?

is it possible that we could make the right decision without hurting anyone?

is it possible to make the right decision based on others feelings and thoughts?

is it possible to lead people with our own decision?

how can i make the right decision with minimum consequences?

i thought i know how..but now, i dunno...

quite lost....guessed i have to start all over again..

should stop thinking complicatedly and concentrate on what's in front...

♥ alexis at 7:08 PM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

i need a break...

done the wrong thing

got myself all wrecked up

made the wrong decision..

no more fooling around

time to be serious once again...

♥ alexis at 9:41 PM

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Your element: Air

Your ruling planets: Uranus

Symbol: The Water Bearer

Your stone: Amethyst

Life Pursuit: To understand life's mysteries

Vibration: High frequency

Aquarian's Secret Desire: To be unique and original

Special note for Aquarians: With the new Millennium heralding the Dawn of the Age of Aquarius, at this time, ready or not, your sign is regarded as the zodiac's leader. You are the trendsetter for the future and because of this high responsibility, many under born your sign will be undergoing at this time, as we approach the Millennium, the pressure of personal change (particularly in your values and what makes you content and happy). Yours has always been a philanthropic sign. Now more than ever these qualities will be highlighted.

Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along. They are 'mind oriented' individuals, whose thoughts never stop tick-tocking over. Because of their high focus on intellectual exploration, many inventors, eccentrics and highly original trailblazers are born under this sign. Their intense ability to live on many mental levels, holds both pain and pleasure for Aquarians. For example, in the American Hall of Fame there are more Aquarians than any other sign, yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too. Many extremes can surround this sign and these extremes can take them to both heaven and hell.

But in everyday terms, most Aquarians are extremely humanitarian and often involved in social programs that assist others. They can also be objective in judgement, for they never let their emotions get in the way. Outgoing and amiable, Aquarians attract friends wherever they go and those whom Aquarians befriend have their unswerving loyalty.

Aquarians are the zodiac's most mysterious and unusual people - and no two are anything alike. Those born under this sign - ruled by innovative and non-conformist Uranus - march to the beat of their own drum. They see life in a different way. Others quite frequently think their habits and ideas are eccentric or crazy in some way, but it is this uniqueness that makes them so special. The Aquarian mind is extremely quick and they never seem to stop thinking (it is interesting to note that many born under this sign suffer from insomnia.) Aquarians usually have strong political, environmental or social beliefs. But whether it is a relationship, career or cause - Aquarians are happiest when they have "something" to believe in and nurture.

If you were born on the first or last day of a Sun sign, in astrological terms you were born on a cusp. If that's the case, you will probably benefit from reading your own Sun sign and the Sun sign that ends or begins right before or after your date of birth. For example, if your birth date is 22 December, your Sun sign is Capricorn, but you probably have some Sagittarian traits as well.

By Athena Starwoman

Hmmm i find this quite true...though most aquarians are often mistaken as being too cold and cool towards people and matter unless it interests them...

Interested to know bout your sign?

Go here: http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_explained.php

♥ alexis at 2:47 PM
Sometimes, life isn't what we think it is
Though we plan for things to happen, but do they really happen according to what we want?
Answer: mostly, no...
Life is unpredictable
Nothing comes right or the way we want it to be
Though if one is lucky, you'll have most of the things coming your way
But how many people in this world is lucky enough?
Well not me...I don't particularly have everything coming my way
But I tend to make it similar

Anyways, today was a great day..
Had fun with some guys and they really made my day
Long time did not have such fun...
Somehow I'm more relaxed though there are more things going on in my mind this month
Everything seems fine to me..
Hopefully this will last for awhile?
Shall never hope for more...

Ending my day with this:
though i've wished that i could be with you
but to think again, i don't want..
i'm enjoying the freedom
thinking properly, hanging out with friends, fooling around
but if we can be together...
that'll be a lucky day to me
but i will not turn back anymore...
unless you're willing to....

♥ alexis at 1:34 AM

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

the skies are dark
thunders thundering
it's gonna rain
when was the last time i went under the rain?
when was the last time i danced under the rain?
it has been a long time
going under the rain does wonders
it drowns my sorrows
giving me the light of life
the freedom
everything seem to end right then and there...
how i miss those feelings now
it was innocent and pure
full of happiness
full of memories...


♥ alexis at 6:09 PM

Monday, July 6, 2009

looking this picture, maybe it's my mood or something,
i can feel the sorrow, the uncertainty...
kiss the rain is a piano piece by one of my favourite pianist, Yiruma
though most of his piano piece have those sorrowful feelings, at the same time, it gives a sense of calmness to people
the recommended titles are: When The Love Falls, Spring Time, Kiss the Rain and River Flows in You

at this moment in my life, i suddenly have no idea what's right,what's wrong, what i should do, and what i should not do...
things are hectic...
soo hectic that i've no idea what i should do first
i feel soo tired, so fed up
i feel like leaving everything, go on a vacation or something to clear my mind
unwanted thoughts keep coming to me though i've already tried my best to ignore it
i feel so hopeless
so disappointed
the disappointment is sooo great that somehow it makes me suffer very very much

To the special someone:
time seem to have drift us apart
fate just doesn't seem to be by our side anymore
i can feel it clearly now
we might be very near
but we can't see each other
or maybe, it's just me that saw you...
suddenly, you're leaving me alone forever
how am i going to go through this?
why leave me just when i started falling in love with you?
is there hope?
i doubt so
i've lost my faith....

-person in pain-
♥ alexis at 8:07 PM

Sunday, July 5, 2009

At the age of 18, I realize things aren't as easy as they seem to be...
Everyday I have to expect the unexpected, full of surprises...
I do have my own goals and life, yet I'm always in full dilemma...
Do humans make choices for themselves or others?
Do we live for others or ourselves?
After going through many ups and downs, I realized that life is short...
Last year, my grandma passed away...
One month later, my granduncle passed away...
One is a person that I hope will see me grow up and be a better person
While the other is a person that I hope I'll be able to see him one day
Never would I realized that I'll only be able to see him in his funeral...
Are these regrets in life?
I hope not...
Life is full of regrets yet it depends on how we take it

Love for example,
A person like me know nothing much about it but I've been through many situations..
Some people might love a person soo much that he/she have to leave the person for good
Is this a good decision? Or will the person regret one day?
I've left a person whom I loved very much
It was bittersweet but if I have a chance to turn back time, I'll still leave him
Because I do not believe in everlasting or forever...
If that person is meant to be with me, we'll be together one day
But I taught myself not to fall in love anymore...
It's not that I gave up...
But I realized nothing can destroy a person but love

However, love can do wonders...
I fell in love again and I was surprised at how I turned out to be
I've never seen this side of me and if my friends did, they'll think that I've gone bonkers...
But it ended very fast...
A lesson to be learn...
It wasn't anyone's fault...
It just meant to end, though I couldn't find the reason why
But if his decision can make him happier and a better person, why not?
In our life, we have to sacrifice all the time..
Whether it's for ourselves or others...

Life is something that we should appreciate..
Every meeting has a ending, whether it's good or bad
Whatever it is, life is about freedom, love and happiness..
And I really hope I could achieve that one day...

-free soul-
♥ alexis at 12:51 PM




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