Friday, June 18, 2010

i wonder where i stand nowadays
i no longer know what i'm doing
everything seems wrong...
feels so trapped and lost
lots have been going on
but there's no one that i can depend on
feels like taking a break
a long break by myself
studies have been stressful
so is my personal probs
and not to mention, family
nothing is ever right
what should i do?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

feels so trapped
dying to go out
somewhere...
somewhere where i can just relax
somewhere that's out of the house...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

suicide is the best attempt

too bad, i do not have the courage...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

life's really a havoc
lots have happened since the start of coll
i don't know what class to go for
what should i do
what is the procedures
or what i'm suppose to get
then i found out that my degree have probs
and my future's at stake
it's sooo complicated and confusing
and i'm worried like mad
but money determines everything
eventhough i might find what i want, but i can never obtain it due to money restrictions
this is really stressful
who can i tell?
none of my family members understand it
i tried explaining but they just turn a deaf ear on
but when the time comes, they sure scold me for being stupid
and blame me for not telling them
this has happened million times
what can i do but to claim again and again that i've told them?
again, history will repeat
i decided to make my own decision...

been thinking of shifting out of the house
if i do not do so, i will be dependent my entire life
if i start now, i will have better future
better for myself and my survival
but if i do really move out, i have no money at all to begin with...
i thought of renting a condo or apartment with my friend
find a job, apply for loan
but if i do so, i doubt i can fulfill my target of obtaining first class honours
and that's also if i'm able to make sure that my second and third year of degree will not have any probs
haihz...i'm just so stressed up
no one understands
it's too complicated and they tend to turn a deaf ear on...
including the one that i've put most of my hopes and expectations on
and that's maybe because he's just too busy

suddenly i just feel that i'm alone in the whole world
everything is up to me to make a decision
with many restrictions
and it feels just so hard, so stressful
my family members tend to take out their stress and frustrations on people
but who am i gonna take out my stress and frustrations on?
it just feels horrible...
been trying to find for some people who's willing to listen, understand and help me
but none that i can find...
there's just too many decisions and responsibilities that i have to make and hold
i'm tired...

by the way, i discovered 3 very hungry and skinny kittens at the block where i'm studying
they are approximately one month old and are extremely skinny
i decided to take the responsibility by buying them food
it costs a lot but i guess i'm willing to spend less on myself but more on them
but seeing that i'm constantly broke no matter what, i'm worried for the kittens' future
how much longer can i continue buying food for them?
but i saw today that someone had gave them food and i'm feeling much better
at least there's someone else who has been concerned bout the cats too...
i hope that there will be more and more people who will help the kittens :)