Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The hardest thing in this world is to be eliminated by the person whom you love and trust the most without a reason. Worse part is, after all the efforts that have been put into the 'crisis', they turn around and stab you in return; attacking you at the moment where you're most defendless without your knowledge.
The situation started with a couple whom have broke up but refuse to leave each other. They fight everyday, creating tensions and concerns among the group. The females were wondering why the female lead has not told them about the problem as they were a gang and close friends. Later on, i, as the observant, found out what happened from a third party. Due to some misunderstanding, the female lead misunderstood that i was the one whom told then entire gang about what happened. It wasn't me but the male lead and a third party whom told the group and other people. However, i didn't think the situation was severe because we're a gang. So why bother hiding? Isn't a group of friends should share their problems? If you're not willing to share, then don't ever let others see it.
My friend misunderstood me and i didn't tell anyone about the situation. I kept my mouth close but told my other female friends to talk to her instead because 'i suspect there is a probem with her relationship with her bf;. Slowly, i didn't realise that i was losing my friends. Yet all the while i was concentrating on helping the female lead to overcome her problem. I didn't realise that my friends has started to ignore me and suddenly everyone turned against me. I have no idea what i have done wrong. If asking others to help lessen my friend's burden is a wrong thing to do, then i really don't know what is right. And since i was misunderstood, i was never in the position to know anything about her. Slowly, they started hiding things from me. Even from my friend, the one whom i care and trust the most. I believe she will be able to see the situation and understand me. Yet, she also walked away from me.
Despite what others said, i believe that my close friend is innocent. I believe that she understands me. I believed that she won't turn against me for whatever rumors she heard. I've known her for quite long and i care for her. Some people told me that she's only using me as i was always available for help. But i guess i was taken advantage. I told others that i don't mind if she's just using me. What i worry is her future and i do not want to see her in the slums again. Yet, this is what happened to me, for caring too much. The situation worsen. Slowly, i realised that i no longer can convince anyone that i'm innocent. Worse is i never know what happened.
The group was separated mentally as the situation worsen. My close friend which claimed that she was neutral and 'don't wanna care' suddenly turn against others members too. She ignored everyone but to talk only to the female lead. She even started hiding matters from me. Yet i believed that she has her reason for doing so and she would never hurt me. Other people started noticing the situation in our gang and they told me what they have observed. Slowly, i see it more and more clearly that everyone in the group was affected. As the situation worsen and i see other members have lost their confidence, i told them that it's not the females' fault. Instead i told them to try to see the situation from the females' point of view. I told them that their attitudes have a reason/reasons. But other members took what i said as 'that is the reason' instead of 'this might be why they are behaving that way'. They misunderstood everyone.
When college starts, i can see that each of us are hoping that the situation will improve. My close friend told me that the female lead is coping well and i heard from a third party that she will try to talk to her ex and other members. I can see that she was trying hard. For a person whom has ignored me for the past 6 months, she started talking to me again. I was shocked. The observers too. And my close friend told me that she felt guilty and bad that our group has split and she will try to make the group better again. Yet when the female lead started to change, my close friend also changed, in a way where she totally ignore others and me, creating the tension again.
I never expected this to happen. I felt very stress. There are many things that are going on in my mind. I have matters to worry about instead of the friendship between these 5 people. Yet no one bother to take concern on me. Yesterday, the male lead confronted my close friend on why she wanna play politics among us. She said that she didn't but it was me and the female lead. For a person whom claimed that the female lead is her close friend, why would she say that? For a person whom claimed that she's innocent, why would she play the psychology test on us by rotating between me and the female lead, treating us with sudden hot and cold passion? But then again, who, afterall, when confronted will admit that they are the culprit? Yet they can treat me so well all of a sudden yesterday.
Only till last night i realised that my efforts have all been dumped into the bin. For all the while, i have told and convinced the male lead to understand the situation. But he took everything that i've said as the true answer to the problem. After what they told him yesterday, he blamed me for backstabbing the group. He blamed me for 'playing politics' in the group. I was so hurt. It's not like he didn't know that i cared for the group so much. He knows the pain that i've gone through yet he told me to ignore them. But i couldn't and can never ignore them cause i worry and care for the female lead, my so called close friend and the group. I didn't want us to separate just because of this.
The male lead has never thought that the culprit whom cause this thing is him. I didn't blame him. I told him all of us will understand and we will try to make the situation better. But i really didn't know that he and the others will turn around and stab me and put all the blames on me when i was the one who is worrying and trying to help the group. Never has i felt such strong betrayal in my life.
From yesterday onwards, i realised that maybe, maybe i should just leave. I'm feeling very tired. I didn't expect my efforts to be appreciated but i expected them to know my efforts and do something from it. Not turning around, blaming me for everything and then pretend as if nothing had happened. When they need me the most, i was there for them. Always. But when i need them the most, they just never listen but to ignore or else, tell me to forget it. If i could forget things so easily, would i ever turn to you people and ask for help? Why would i bother to waste my time worrying bout problems and talking to them if i can solve the problems by myself?
I've decided that i really do not want to care anymore. To be with a group that only cares bout their own problems, and later put the blame on me for everything, i know they are really not my friends. If they are my friends, they will be able to see the pains that im going thru. But no, they do not.
One friend of mine told me that real friends are not those that you need to hang out with for long or talk to to know what is bugging them. Real friends are not those that leaves you when you have problems. And real friends are certainly not those that judge matters by its cover and ignore you when they hear a rumor about you.
My motto in life since young was not to judge a book by its cover, not to prejudice against others, and not to take rumors as truths. Whatever others told me, i will find for the truth before making up my mind about a person. In this situation here, i guess i finally found the answer that i was searching for. It just saddens me that for a bunch of people whom i cared most, they would misunderstand me hurt me without finding the truth. If they really cared about me, they wouldn't have done this to me. I know the adult world is scary and lonely and anytime will be stabbed by others, but i really didn't expect this from the bunch of friends whom i've known and hang out together for nearly everyday for more than 2 years.
Just because i kept my mouth shut, it doesn't mean that i was not affected by the situation. I feel as if i've been wrongly blamed for a thing that i've never done. And it ain't feel nice. At all.
The situation started with a couple whom have broke up but refuse to leave each other. They fight everyday, creating tensions and concerns among the group. The females were wondering why the female lead has not told them about the problem as they were a gang and close friends. Later on, i, as the observant, found out what happened from a third party. Due to some misunderstanding, the female lead misunderstood that i was the one whom told then entire gang about what happened. It wasn't me but the male lead and a third party whom told the group and other people. However, i didn't think the situation was severe because we're a gang. So why bother hiding? Isn't a group of friends should share their problems? If you're not willing to share, then don't ever let others see it.
My friend misunderstood me and i didn't tell anyone about the situation. I kept my mouth close but told my other female friends to talk to her instead because 'i suspect there is a probem with her relationship with her bf;. Slowly, i didn't realise that i was losing my friends. Yet all the while i was concentrating on helping the female lead to overcome her problem. I didn't realise that my friends has started to ignore me and suddenly everyone turned against me. I have no idea what i have done wrong. If asking others to help lessen my friend's burden is a wrong thing to do, then i really don't know what is right. And since i was misunderstood, i was never in the position to know anything about her. Slowly, they started hiding things from me. Even from my friend, the one whom i care and trust the most. I believe she will be able to see the situation and understand me. Yet, she also walked away from me.
Despite what others said, i believe that my close friend is innocent. I believe that she understands me. I believed that she won't turn against me for whatever rumors she heard. I've known her for quite long and i care for her. Some people told me that she's only using me as i was always available for help. But i guess i was taken advantage. I told others that i don't mind if she's just using me. What i worry is her future and i do not want to see her in the slums again. Yet, this is what happened to me, for caring too much. The situation worsen. Slowly, i realised that i no longer can convince anyone that i'm innocent. Worse is i never know what happened.
The group was separated mentally as the situation worsen. My close friend which claimed that she was neutral and 'don't wanna care' suddenly turn against others members too. She ignored everyone but to talk only to the female lead. She even started hiding matters from me. Yet i believed that she has her reason for doing so and she would never hurt me. Other people started noticing the situation in our gang and they told me what they have observed. Slowly, i see it more and more clearly that everyone in the group was affected. As the situation worsen and i see other members have lost their confidence, i told them that it's not the females' fault. Instead i told them to try to see the situation from the females' point of view. I told them that their attitudes have a reason/reasons. But other members took what i said as 'that is the reason' instead of 'this might be why they are behaving that way'. They misunderstood everyone.
When college starts, i can see that each of us are hoping that the situation will improve. My close friend told me that the female lead is coping well and i heard from a third party that she will try to talk to her ex and other members. I can see that she was trying hard. For a person whom has ignored me for the past 6 months, she started talking to me again. I was shocked. The observers too. And my close friend told me that she felt guilty and bad that our group has split and she will try to make the group better again. Yet when the female lead started to change, my close friend also changed, in a way where she totally ignore others and me, creating the tension again.
I never expected this to happen. I felt very stress. There are many things that are going on in my mind. I have matters to worry about instead of the friendship between these 5 people. Yet no one bother to take concern on me. Yesterday, the male lead confronted my close friend on why she wanna play politics among us. She said that she didn't but it was me and the female lead. For a person whom claimed that the female lead is her close friend, why would she say that? For a person whom claimed that she's innocent, why would she play the psychology test on us by rotating between me and the female lead, treating us with sudden hot and cold passion? But then again, who, afterall, when confronted will admit that they are the culprit? Yet they can treat me so well all of a sudden yesterday.
Only till last night i realised that my efforts have all been dumped into the bin. For all the while, i have told and convinced the male lead to understand the situation. But he took everything that i've said as the true answer to the problem. After what they told him yesterday, he blamed me for backstabbing the group. He blamed me for 'playing politics' in the group. I was so hurt. It's not like he didn't know that i cared for the group so much. He knows the pain that i've gone through yet he told me to ignore them. But i couldn't and can never ignore them cause i worry and care for the female lead, my so called close friend and the group. I didn't want us to separate just because of this.
The male lead has never thought that the culprit whom cause this thing is him. I didn't blame him. I told him all of us will understand and we will try to make the situation better. But i really didn't know that he and the others will turn around and stab me and put all the blames on me when i was the one who is worrying and trying to help the group. Never has i felt such strong betrayal in my life.
From yesterday onwards, i realised that maybe, maybe i should just leave. I'm feeling very tired. I didn't expect my efforts to be appreciated but i expected them to know my efforts and do something from it. Not turning around, blaming me for everything and then pretend as if nothing had happened. When they need me the most, i was there for them. Always. But when i need them the most, they just never listen but to ignore or else, tell me to forget it. If i could forget things so easily, would i ever turn to you people and ask for help? Why would i bother to waste my time worrying bout problems and talking to them if i can solve the problems by myself?
I've decided that i really do not want to care anymore. To be with a group that only cares bout their own problems, and later put the blame on me for everything, i know they are really not my friends. If they are my friends, they will be able to see the pains that im going thru. But no, they do not.
One friend of mine told me that real friends are not those that you need to hang out with for long or talk to to know what is bugging them. Real friends are not those that leaves you when you have problems. And real friends are certainly not those that judge matters by its cover and ignore you when they hear a rumor about you.
My motto in life since young was not to judge a book by its cover, not to prejudice against others, and not to take rumors as truths. Whatever others told me, i will find for the truth before making up my mind about a person. In this situation here, i guess i finally found the answer that i was searching for. It just saddens me that for a bunch of people whom i cared most, they would misunderstand me hurt me without finding the truth. If they really cared about me, they wouldn't have done this to me. I know the adult world is scary and lonely and anytime will be stabbed by others, but i really didn't expect this from the bunch of friends whom i've known and hang out together for nearly everyday for more than 2 years.
Just because i kept my mouth shut, it doesn't mean that i was not affected by the situation. I feel as if i've been wrongly blamed for a thing that i've never done. And it ain't feel nice. At all.
♥ alexis at 3:04 PM