Tuesday, February 8, 2011

things have gone back to normal right now
it seems nice...yet...i feel as if there's something behind this calm
certainly, i'm thinking too much
but you can't blame me for being cautious
either way, i'm too harrassed to think bout these right now
exam is in 2 weeks time and my prom is in one week's time
everyone has planned everything, well except me
i have friends who could help me out through my troubles
yet, i feel as if i have the obligation to stick to my group unless they request not to
it's not that i'm not appreciating my friend's help but....
i really dunno how to explain it

sometimes, i really wonder, is it a good thing to tell someone about what is going on in ur mind??
with the current people that i'm hanging out with now, it seems that none would think from the opposite's position but based on their own rights
none would actually bother to think what's actually bothering me, yet they would like to ask
when i tell, they said i'm being paranoid and give me the 'look'
i'm tired of facing the 'look' all the time
maybe, maybe it's time that i should shut my mouth on everything...including to my bf since really, none understands

i've been trying to find my peace for long
yet, i've tried all and what i could get is only temporary peace
suddenly, after the holidays, i feel tired once again
i feel that it's really a hard thing communicating with friends
when i do not communicate, they asked me whether i'm ok
when i said i am, they don't believe
but when i do communicate, they ignored and give the 'look' to me
when i get new friends or talk to some people only, they say i'm playing politics
what do they actually want from me?
or is it that i've tolerate too much?
but to me, this is actually nothing
i totally can understand if any of them are having the same situation
i give them their space and be right by their side
but why does all these feel as if it's all one sided?
sadly, no one agrees anymore
no one understands anymore

maybe, maybe it's best that i shut myself up once again
maybe, maybe i should just ignore everything including others' feelings
maybe, maybe...
maybe.............
i don't know
i really don't....