Thursday, March 31, 2011

have you ever felt so low in your life?
have you ever lost all your confidence in your life?
people used to tell me that i shouldn't keep everything inside
but to share it in order to feel better

however, why, when i decided to share it, i felt as if people are saying im being a pessimist?
why, then people will say that i'm just being silly
then to ask me to forget it and concentrate on myself, my studies?
and worse, why do i feel bad saying out what i'm thinking?
i feel as if i've done a wrong thing
i just hope people won't take what i said wrongly
and i just hope people would once consider of my true feelings in matters
i just have a strong curiosity in life, in people
to me, curiosity makes me learn

but why, again, do i feel so low in my life?
at moments when i need someone to talk to, no one is there
and i can never have the chance to find for people to talk to
cause, the ones i usually tell, i fear if i talk more, they'll start turning away
yet those, that i think might understand, i fear they'll judge me

i've made up my mind, i do
but i'm trying hard to keep it to myself
i'm trying my best
i'm really trying

maybe what others said is right
i do care a lot about others, about what they'll think and react
i've never once care for myself
but i feel that if i can solve other's problems, i can solve my own too
do i really care too much about others?

my life is simple
yet somehow or other, my mind would wonder off
then things would involve others too
i never have the confidence to ignore others
i can't ignore others
it hurts to know others are hurting
but who's there to heal me when i'm hurt?

i've been slacking alot
my studies are suffering
from a teacher, i'm now a student to my student
it's depressing
yet, i'm still struggling hard to get out of all these
i'm trying....

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

i know it's an illusion
i know you're a dream that i can never get
i know reality hits one day
but why do i hurt once again when i know you're 'there' again?
it's not wrong for you to be there
you have your obligations
i have mine
but why do i hurt once again to know you're not there for me?

my greatest nightmare, it came true
how i wish i could get a perfect advice
how i wish someone could understand how i feel
how i wish someone could lend a hand to me
to help me
drag me out of this

i'm not emotionless like what others think
i'm really not
i'm human too
why can't anyone treat me like one?
i do feel upset and disappointed too
but why is it no one took notice of it?
why, do people always think that i can handle it?

please, i'm suffering too
all i need is some understanding, help and compassion
why is it that i'm always the one understanding and helping
but none to appear when i need it most?

how i wish it never happened
how i wish it was alright between us
how i wish you never started it
how i wish i'd never get to know you
how i wish....

what goes around doesn't come around
this is what i've learnt throughout my life...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

been busy and still am busy
all assignment due dates are back to back
somehow, i do not have the motivation to do any, to study or to do my homework
i feel as if my life is empty
i feel more freedom
yet there are still some unsolved issues
i guess i still need some time to think, to solve my issues
but where should i start from?
it's too late isn't it?
once again, im contaminated and lost....

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

been feeling lost lately
was it due to the lack of sleep?
was it due to stress?
or was it.......

i'm feeling tired
lots of things are going on
in less than a month's time, finals is approaching
yet in between, i'll have quiz and assignment due dates
3 assignments and tho it's easy and proceeding
yet i feel as if i don't have much time left
feels as if i'm slacking
somewhere inside me, it feels painful too

i'm coping, i'm really coping
but i'm tired of pretending
but if i don't people will judge me by saying i'm a mood spoiler
but sometimes, i really hope that people would once treat me as a human
understand how i feels
and most importantly, treat me like a female
i'm so tired of being the tough image where everyone sees me as
being a lil girly and people shall say i'm flirting or hyper
it's so tiring to pretend at times
sometimes, i just wonder whether i'll be an actress in the future
haha, how ironic :/

Friday, March 4, 2011

today, was the first time we talked so much to each other face to face
today, was also the first time we went to an arcade and play together
today, after so long, was the day you fulfilled your promise to bring me for a pizza treat
today, after so long, was the day you hug me and i actually felt warmed
today, was also the day we fight and no longer talk anymore
today, i felt sadden and my heart hurts
today, once again, i long for a love where i can be taken care of well
today, once again, i long for a love that could make me smile
today, i really miss that love (will i get it back?)
too bad, today, i realised it's over and i could never get it back anymore some things doesn't change
and it never will
this world, is full of judgemental people
and i, am one too

my intuitions was right
maybe for once again, i've made the wrong choice
i thought today will be a good day
i didn't put too much hopes in it
but childishness, it really gets on my nerves
from today onwards, i will cease my contact with you
afterall, if i don't start this step
it never will and history will repeat

for once, i feel like starting my life all over again
i want to meet new people
to know new people
and to love new people
sometimes in life, it's good to know people whom you totally don't know
cause then you'll never judge anyone
or put hopes on anyone
and you'll have the freedom of life....

i wish i can leave this country
away from everyone
and start anew :)