Saturday, April 23, 2011

my best friend claimed that my life is a total drama
i feel as if it was quite simple in a way
quite crazy in a way
yet sometimes, like now, i feel as if it's the worse it can happen in my life
i guess it's all based on mood?

when i'm in a good mood,
i feel as if everything is just a game
i can feel the fun, laughter and jest in everything that happens to me
i feel as if i can enjoy it and laugh
and though we occassionally meet disasters
yet, the most important thing is to enjoy every part of it

but when i'm in a bad mood.....
i feel as if i'm the bad person for everything that happens around me
i'm more alert and more sensitive
and this is exactly the time where i know who cares about me and who don't
at this moment, i definitely know that i certainly have no friends
words are meant to deceive
the word 'friend' literary means 'to use' that person
at this moment of my life where i want someone to hang out with and talk the most, i know there is none
was it me, or was it you?
people whom i'm most close to
people whom i'm not close to
all give me the same response

sometimes, life is much easier if you're all alone
you don't have to justify your actions or words
you don't have to care what others think
there isn't a moment in my life where i wanna stay like this
i just wanna leave, leave this place and go to somewhere new where i know no one
i want to go to a place where i really don't know anyone
from there, i wanna live the life that i've always wanted
i want to live my life the way i want
from there, i will build my life once over
when, will i have the chance?
if i'm to leave, i will not be back for the next 10-20 years

exam's coming in two days time
yet, maybe due to my mood, i'm certainly not doing any good
at this moment, i feel the stress

life, if only i could have the freedom and enjoy it alone
i wouldn't mind if i can enjoy it with my bf or anyone
i just need a silent companion
yet, it's impossible to do so
there's too many obligations
life...if only i can enjoy it the way i want....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

I tear my heart open.
I sew myself shut.
My weakness is that I care too much.
And our scars remind us that the past is real.
I tear my heart open just to feel.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

"A life without cause is a life without effect."
Barbarella

but why, does my life is so full of cause and effect that it's so hard to overcome it?
and why, is it that i should be the one that cares?

i guess it's time to let go of everything?
can i do it?
at least i have to do it for now,
for my future's sake...
FRUSTRATED!!!!
whole day dying to go out and i cant!!!
then exam's just round the corner and yet because of some shit i was forced to pick up, i can't concentrate on my damn studies now
been trying BLARDY hard to find for someone to talk to
but one by one BLARDY selfish and ignore!!!
FINE!!!
worse? my bf is one of THEM!!!
great, a breakup please i'm tired of relationships and idiots and bastards!!!
hate it when SELFISH people expect me to talk to them and understand
and when it comes to my TURN, one by one IGNORE!!!
FUCK UP!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

feels as if my life is quite miserable
why do i always realise something when it's coming to an end?
those foregone opportunities, it hurts
and it destroys me altogether.....
how am i gonna live with this?
it'll just hunt me once again
and yet my life lay long ahead of me
how am i gonna cope with it?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

i don't know where we're going
and i don't know who we are....