Saturday, May 28, 2011

apparently, you're the one who could let things go first

and i thought i would have done a better job at this

but i guess what i fear has always been right

this, would come one day

it's just a matter of time

and right now, it happened

reading that post, i had a sudden urge to cry

it's been so long, yet it seemed to have happened recently

life, is just full of pain

there are many days, where i punished myself by making myself bleed

but the pain can't be disguised no matter what i tried

the sem break is ending soon

it's a new start once again

and new problems to face

i wish i have a heart like a robot

life would seem much easier

tho' more miserable...

♥ alexis at 5:03 PM

Thursday, May 26, 2011

days gone by

the tears never stop flowing

when will everything stop?

i wish i could just sleep forever

facing reality is hard

i wish everything could stop right here and then

♥ alexis at 12:22 PM

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

holidays ending soon

for 3 weeks i've rot at home everyday

it's really killing me

people have gone and came back from bangkok

the langkawi trip was cancelled

and i cancelled my job

and now considering on cancelling my second job

all i've ever done is finished a drama series and a book

now starting a new drama series and a book

coll's starting soon

my stomach have been rumbling everyday

how i wish i can just get someone to go out with me

and eat for the whole damn day

this is depressing

how can my hols end just so fast?

♥ alexis at 9:21 PM

Monday, May 23, 2011

up until now

i understand dy

thanks :)

♥ alexis at 9:39 PM

Sunday, May 22, 2011

"There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t ‘cause I thought I’d be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don’t have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever." Meredith Grey

♥ alexis at 1:23 AM

Saturday, May 21, 2011

45 things a girl wants for but wont ask for.

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

♥ alexis at 11:21 PM

the tears have dried up

the pain has just begun

what lays ahead?

it hurts..

♥ alexis at 12:30 AM

Thursday, May 19, 2011

just because i didn't say out my hurt

it doesn't mean i don't

just because i acted like i don't care

it doesn't mean that i don't

i don't know what came over us

i just wish we could stop fighting

i'm tired

i may regret my decision in the future

i don't know

what i know is that the hurt you're feeling,

is no lesser than what i'm feeling

you've no idea what i felt towards a relationship, towards us

and don't forget, i made the decision

before anything gone worse

this is what i have to do

i made the decision

please understand

P/S: remember what i told you before we were together. you used to know me. now you don't

♥ alexis at 11:14 PM

you're being a pain in the ass

i can't believe those words actually spilled out from your mouth

i take back all my words

you're just intolerable

i give up

♥ alexis at 3:54 PM

Monday, May 16, 2011

they said: the worst kind of pain is when you try to smile to stop the tears from falling...

and i didn't realise that this is what i've been doing all these while...

maybe i wasn't really that happy afterall...

i need you now

but i'm not sure of my feelings..

i don't know what to do...i don't...

being with you helps eliminates all my pain

you're just like my painkiller and antidepressant

everything seems fine when i'm with you

but when i don't, everything seem to be crushing down on me

i miss you

P/S: putting a smile on your face helps hide the pain, but it does not eliminate the pain...this, i learnt it the hard way...

♥ alexis at 9:36 PM

i lied...

i just want us to be together

but why is it that i don't want it?

was it fear?

or was it due to insecurity?

i don't know

but i'm hurting badly now...

will we be together again in the future?

i love you and that's all i know for now...

♥ alexis at 9:04 PM

i know i'm the one whom have made the decision

but what i know now is that i miss you so much

i don't know what's our future

going back with you, i'm scare...

i just want us to be perfect

but we're anything but perfect

i fear i will hurt you once again

i fear we will hurt each other once again

i miss you, i really do...

what should i do?

i feel really empty right now

i just want you by my side

is this the right decision?

i miss you so...

♥ alexis at 4:37 PM

Sunday, May 15, 2011

funny that the post those was meant for you went missing

are we really not meant to be together?

♥ alexis at 9:57 PM

Thursday, May 12, 2011

your world,

my world,

there's a saying that if you really love someone,

there would be no such thing

is it true?

love, infatuation, lust

how to determine which is which?

love is accepting everything about a person

infatuation comes quickly

lust is just mere satisfaction

so what am i?

♥ alexis at 2:08 PM

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

the road seems dark

the journey was long

i keep stumbling

i keep finding

where is the light?

for nights i searched

for nights i cried

for nights i fear

the darkness is overwhelming

it's eating me up

have you tried walking alone?

have you tried living by yourself?

have you tried cutting yourself from everyone?

have you tried living your life alone?

i guess it's something i have to learn from now on...

freedom was something i searched

freedom was something i thought i have

freedom is something i know i can never attain

freedom....

the day i obtain freedom will be the day i found my light...

♥ alexis at 11:52 PM

Monday, May 9, 2011

roses, flowers, and secrets
thorns, beauty, and fear
i've had it all

life is unpredictable
you may think you have it all
one moment, it's all lost

mistakes, flings, and love
one thing lead to another
what would the end be?

love, sorrow, and pain
where is the love?
where is the trust?

-idonotknowallforonce-

♥ alexis at 12:20 AM

Sunday, May 8, 2011

they told me, it's a wise decision
they told me, i should leave
they told me, it's what i ever wanted since long time
they told me, it's useless to regret

i told myself, it's a wise decision
i told myself, i should leave
i told myself, it's for the best
i told myself, it's useless to regret
i told myself, that if you really give up, i will give up too

i'm coping, and i'm really coping
it'd be all lies if i were to tell you that i'm not hurt
it'd be all lies if im actually smiling in front of you
it'd be all lies if i'm telling you that i'm actually happy

reading back my posts
i realised that hurt, comes in all different ways
being a person whom console others over their pain,
my friend now repays me by consoling me back

yes, it is useless to think back
yes, it is useless to regret
yes, it is useless to doubt my decision
yes, it is useless to think of 'if'

i'm sorry i could not be the perfect gf that you wanted
i'm sorry i can't be the understanding person that you want me to be
i'm sorry i can't be the person whom i promised you to be
i'm sorry for causing you all the pain
i'm sorry for being selfish
i'm sorry for giving you the chance

thanks for all the memories that you gave me
thanks for being there for me
thanks for understanding my dilemma and problems
thanks for being with me for 1.5 years

i guess it's time to move on
if everyone is moving on, why should i stay?
if you're moving on,
there's no longer a reason for me to stay anymore
maybe, i'm finally obtaining my freedom
maybe, i could have a better future
from now on, without anymore obligations

life will be lonely from now on
i no longer have my friends
i no longer have a boyfriend
i no longer studying the same course as my friends

i guess i shall be independent once again....
i guess it's time for me to walk the journey alone once again...

♥ alexis at 9:10 PM

Saturday, May 7, 2011

it hurts me to know that you think i'm a control freak
it hurts me to know that there's lots of things happened to you
but none you've told me
everytime we argue, you'll said that we should be frank with each other and tell each other everything
but everytime, we failed to do
and i failed to know what happened to you
at least you know part of what happened to me...
life's just so unfair..

when did you start giving up?
this is the question i wanna ask for long...

♥ alexis at 7:10 PM

there's no longer a reason for me to stay

i've done all i can
but there's no way i can help you to improve
pardon me for the decision i made
cause i no longer can find a reason
and you can't give me a reason too....

thanks for all the memories that you've given me
i know how well you treated me, loved me
you've tried your best giving me all i want
maybe it's just my fault that i can't be thankful enough

it just hurts to see that i'm no longer the one that can motivate you
i fear i have not done enough to make you happy
i fear, i can't give you what you want

we no longer have the communication, the sparks anymore
everything i said to you, fall on deaf ears
everything i did for you, is just a nuisance
we no longer click
we no longer try to work hard for each other anymore

thanks for the memories...

♥ alexis at 12:00 AM

Friday, May 6, 2011

i see things that i shouldn't
i notice things that i shouldn't

everyone's leaving
life is all alone once again
i just want to get out of here
i need a vacation badly
i want to leave here
and never return again

your offer was tempting
if i were to accept it, it'll be a bad choice
some things, when it happened
it can't be undo anymore
i learnt this the hard way once again...

is letting go and forgetting the better way?
i don't believe you can do so
cause i, can never do so no matter how hard i try

what's gonna happen between us?
it's a subject that both of us avoids
but i, noticed the changes in you
have both of us changed?
what's the future?
will there be one?

♥ alexis at 12:32 AM

Thursday, May 5, 2011

rose...u changed

the past may seem bitter
the present may seem better
yet, we always think of the past
hoping to go back to the past
but if we really have the option, that will be the last thing for us to do

the past, present, and future
i'm stuck nowhere
i'm lost
i need guidance, advice

i changed...too

♥ alexis at 12:04 AM

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

exam's over
life's boring
feels like working
but i can't find any work
yet i just need something to distract my mind
my friend said i've been hiding a lot
that i'm not letting go and sharing my thoughts
but i'm just thinking that i shouldn't let go what i'm thinking
cause certainly, it's just my problems
why should i bother others with my thoughts and my problems?

i need someone to talk to
i need someone to talk to me
but everyone's busy
everyone has their plans, their obligations
who am i to trouble them?
i feel so bored, so depressed
listening to piano songs ain't helping
it's making me more depressed
worst thing? i don't even know why im depressed
i guess life is just too boring
and i felt abandoned
like a dog or cat
or maybe i should just find my cat
but she's busy sleeping and jumping :S

you know what's worst in your life?
it's when you're bored and your pet seems to have more things to do than you...
gosh this is depressing...

last of all,
i screwed up my finals
this is shit

♥ alexis at 11:11 PM