Sunday, January 4, 2015

It's 2015 this year. Nearly 2 years since I have abandoned this blog. There were many times I've thought of returning here, to read what I've wrote. But I didn't, I can't do it. It is too sad to read back everything. But now that I'm here, I'm not much different from last time. I just got out of a nearly 2 years relationship, one where again, I finally see some hope, only to realised it's not. FYI: it's my longest relationship so far.

Life goes on eventually. He left, he moved on. And I left too, I need to move on. I've graduated, working now. With not much dreams or hopes, I just do what I'm asked to do. Just filling in the empty spaces, yet there are still people who are judging me: by my looks, by my confidence (which I clearly has none), and by my attitude towards life. There are still people who thinks I look down on them, who thinks that I'm more superior than them.

I don't do such thing. No one is suppose to judge another person. No one should even criticize another person, or belittle another person. No one should make another person to be as low as them. That's what I have been going through for the past two years. Belittling myself, thinking that I shouldn't be the way I am, just to make someone else happy. So much efforts were put in to make it work, but it wasn't appreciated, only to be thrown cold water at.

Life is just like that. Nothing's perfect and that's what that makes it memorable. Enjoying everything that is imperfect, just like that. I do not need brands to make me feel better, or at a higher rank. Yes, it does build my confidence but right now, I'm happy using non-branded items. I'm happy living a life which is just average, comfortable and relaxing, not to be constantly weighed down by the brands and people's impressions and views on us. I don't need people's views or judgements, just someone to correct me when I'm wrong, telling me where I can improve and what I should do when I'm lost.

Life should be simple, happy and free. I crave for the moments where I can spend the night at Desapark, just enjoying the sounds and views of nature. The life of simplicity, calm and freedom.

It's 2015 now. I'm already 24. It's time to grow up, to know what I want. It's a new year, new beginning, new life for me :)